You May Think It’s Funny But It’s Snot

I promised an update and I have been remiss. But I have a good excuse. I’ve spent the last three weeks revising the first three chapters of this WIP, and then last week I also needed to write the synopsis. The synopsis is what I was dreading. On the plus side, I had already loosely plotted the story, loosely being the key word. On the minus side, I still hadn’t completely settled on the black moment or how I was going to make the resolution believable.

But I’m happy to report, I did it (with the help of Anne Gracie!) and the black moment is awesome (if I do say so myself) and I’m super excited about writing the rest of this story. That could all change in a matter of days, but for now, I’m feeling good!

Now, to the snippet. So Celi and Bryan had another encounter in the bar (before drinks were had) and Bryan ended up stepping on Celi’s foot. For the record, once again, it was Celi’s fault. Not that she would admit that, stubborn child (don’t tell her I said that). Anyhoo, Celi was so fed up with how her weekend was going, she drank a few Amoretto Sours too many. Okay, like eight too many.

Bryan did not imbibe and has just arrived back home to find a surprise sitting against his door.

Balancing on the balls of his feet, he couldn’t decide what to do next. He had to let her know he was there, but he didn’t want to startle her. Gently, Bryan reached over and tapped her on the shoulder.

Without lifting her head, Celi said, “What?” So much for startling her.

“You’re in front of my door.”

“Wha-,” she started but as soon as she looked up, her arms flew up to cover her head and she started screaming. “Don’t hurt me, oh God, don’t hurt me.”

Taken by surprise, Bryan lost his balance and found himself sitting on the floor with her. “Would you calm down? I’m not going to hurt you. Why the hell would I hurt you?”

The crazy woman stopped her imitation of a banshee but refused to lower her arms. Peaking under her elbow she said, “Every time I’ve seen you in the last two days you’ve hurt me. First my hip when you almost ran me over, then my hip again when I ran into that ugly chair, and tonight when you stepped on my foot.” Taking one arm down to point to her foot she added, “I think you broke my toe.”

Bryan wanted to yell back. He wanted to tell her she was out of her mind and all those run-ins were her fault. But he couldn’t. She looked so sad and lost, and he was so tired. Tired of being angry.

“I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I don’t even know you. What are you talking about, an ugly chair?

“This morning, when I walked out of my apartment, I nearly ran into that chair you were carrying and ended up landing on my ass. Again.” After wiping the tears from her eyes she reached her right hand inside her left sleeve and used it to blow her nose.

Bryan struggled to keep a straight face. “I had no idea. How about we start over?” Bryan thought about shaking her hand then remembered the nose blowing and kept his hands to himself. “My name’s Bryan.”

“Celi.”

“Sealy? Like the mattress?”

Going from sad and lost to angry and sarcastic in record time she said, “No, that’s my name. Celi. C-E-L-I. It’s short for Cecelia.”

“Well, Celi, if you don’t mind, I’d like to go to bed.”

“I am not going to bed with you!” Celi punctuated her outrage by kicking him in the foot.
Just when he started thinking she might be sane. “I didn’t mean go to bed with you. Just to bed. In my own bed.” Before she could kick him again he clarified. “Alone.”

Celi crossed her arms over her chest and said, “Then go. Who’s stopping you?”

“You are.”

“Am not.”

“Am too.” They sounded like four year olds and before she could keep the comedy skit going, he said, “You’re blocking my door.”

Celi looked behind her as if she’d forgotten where she was. When she turned back he raised his brows and waited for her to get up. He should have known it couldn’t be that easy.

“This is my door. Your door is over there,” and she pointed to the door behind him, her door.

Taking a deep breath then letting it out slowly, Bryan put every ounce of patience he had left into his next words. “That is your door.” Holding up a hand to cut off her argument he continued. “See, that door says 3A. The door you’re leaning on says 3D. You live in 3A, don’t you?”

Celi’s face went blank and Bryan worried she might be too drunk to know her own address. Then the dawn of enlightenment hit and her eyes became giant blue saucers. “That’s why the key wouldn’t work. I knew I had the right key.”

Basking in the joy of knowing she knew which key went to her front door, Celi didn’t seem in a hurry to get up. Leaving her out here started looking better and better.

“Do you think you could get up now? It’s late and I’m tired.”

Celi stopped celebrating with her keychain long enough to look into his eyes. “If you’re tired, why don’t you go to bed?”

Time for drinking stories. Ever been so drunk you couldn’t find your front door? Your street? Your hand in front of your face? Lets share!

12 thoughts on “You May Think It’s Funny But It’s Snot”

  1. Questions? You have questions? After that snippet, I’m laughing too much. Wow, Terri. Hilarious! Laugh out loud funny! My favorite:

    “This is my door. Your door is over there,” and she pointed to the door behind him, her door.

    LOL!

  2. MsHellion says:

    I plead the fifth on the drunk question.

    I do love the Abbott and Costello feel of this scene. *LOL*

    I think my favorite line (since we’re sharing) was “Just when he thought she might be sane.” *LOL*

  3. TerriOsburn says:

    I should have put a disclaimer that all the intoxicated behavior is mere conjecture on my part. *said with fingers crossed behind her back*

    Melissa – I’m glad you liked it. I had to figure out a way to drop Celi’s guard, and this was it. And this is one of the few scenes that is original and made it through all the edits without getting cut.

    Hellie – Come on, I know you have stories to share. Or I could share for you.

    I admit, I love this scene, but the scene that comes the next morning is even better. 😉

  4. Quantum says:

    Its looking good Terri.

    This snippet is worthy of Jennifer Crusie on top form and it has that special Terriesque flavor that Helli calls the Abbot and Costello feel.

    You really are getting very good with the short and funny stuff!

    I like to mentally map things onto the world of particle physics. Weird I know but it pleases me and you are now my ‘top quark’. Flavour is one of the quantum numbers but for you I’m introducing a new one ‘delicious’

    My vote for funniest line goes with Mellisa:
    “This is my door. Your door is over there,” and she pointed to the door behind him, her door. LOL

    I’m stretching my memory for real life drunk scenes. Going back in time to student days I dimly remember a small back street pub in Chelsea where I’m standing on a table with other students sitting around it, like round a camp fire. With a jug of ale in one hand I am reciting:

    There’s a one-eyed yellow idol
    To the north of Kathmandu;
    There’s a little marble cross below the town;
    And a brokenhearted woman
    Tends the grave of ‘Mad’ Carew,
    While the yellow god for ever gazes down.

    After each verse the students roar and hammer the table with their fists and gulp down more beer.

    The memory dims after that. I believe that I woke on someone’s settee in the early hours!

    I hasten to add that it would never happen nowadays *grin*

  5. Tris says:

    I’m totally in love with Celi! That is amazing Terri =D

    Goodluck with the synopsis =P

  6. irisheyes says:

    Awesome, Ter.

    I liked –

    “so much for startling her.”

    And then the last line “If you’re tired, why don’t you go to bed?”

    Very funny. That is so how it is when dealing with a drunk (not that I’d know or anything).

    I don’t have any funny drunk stories. I either fall asleep or throw up. I do get giggly when I drink and that is definitely not like me at all – probably why I very rarely drink.

  7. TerriOsburn says:

    BTW – I’m so glad no one has complained about the name of this blog. Not a good visual, I know.

    Q – If I didn’t already love you to pieces, that would have done the trick. Crusie with a touch of Terriesque flavor. I’m putting that in my query (and giving you credit, of course.)

    Tris – Thank goodness! I worry no one will like Celi. She is so stubborn in the beginning. Actually, she’s stubborn through the middle too. LOL!

    Irish – I like that line too. LOL! And my ex, a 6’3″ jock, would giggle when he got tipsy. Which luckily was very rare. But to see a man that size giggle is worth spiking his drink now and then. 🙂

  8. Beth says:

    Wow Terri that is great. You had me laughing. I think I love the whole emotional swing she does from crying to yelling to sarcasm. I’m surprised she could spell her name right. So is she going to pass out and he has to carry her home? Can’t wait to find out.

    No drunk stories here, nope not a one . . .

  9. Anonymous says:

    Great scene Terri. I love how this is finally how they introduce themselves to each other. There were some classic “drunk” lines throughout, which others have already pointed out.

    Did you draw on personal experiences? And would you believe me if I said that I have never been drunk because I’m allergic to alcohol?

    D

  10. TerriOsburn says:

    Beth – Thanks, lady! He does pick her up off the floor, but this scene does not end any better than their previous run ins. LOL!

    D – Since I seem to be the only honest one here, I fully admit this is based on experience. I spent a few years getting into this condition during my college years. The first ones, obviously. LOL! Our weekends pretty much started on Tuesday.

    And I do believe you. Same reason I have never had a vegetable…I’m allergic. Yeah, that’s the ticket.

  11. Janga says:

    Even though your blog title had me reaching for a lemon, I love the snippet. So funny and so real–as I know from observation and years as the designated driver.

    I was always the one with the highest bar tab because cranberry juice and Perrier didn’t qualify for the twofers that were common happy hour fare in my dim and distant young years.

  12. TerriOsburn says:

    Sorry about that, Janga. I’m getting you and J some lemon zest for Christmas. 🙂

    I’m glad you like the snippet. Cran and Perrier? I’ve never heard of that. I had a friend who loved her Cran and Vodka, but that’s a little stronger than Perrier.

    The real irony is as much as I drank in my youth, I don’t touch a drop now. *shrugs* No big moral reason, just don’t.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*