I must start this blog by saying I try to live by one important principle. Do no harm. I’ve had my feelings hurt and my heart broken. Neither experience was particularly pleasant, to say the least. (And I’m sure both experiences will happen again.) I do not want to be the person who inflicts these experiences on others.
However, I am a passionate person with a temper. Twenty years spent working to control the temper has definitely led to improvements in that area, but as a friend used to say, pobody’s nerfect.
And boy did I prove this.
My temper got riled last week over something so small and not worth getting riled about that I have to wonder how empty my life is that this incident set me off. And set me off it did. Being a venter, I vented my hateful spleen in a long, unpretty (to say the least) email to a friend.
And then sent said unpretty email to the very people I’d spewed my spleen on. Unprovoked. Unnecessary. Uncalled for.
An instant lesson in humility. What I wouldn’t give to turn back time and undo the whole thing. And not because of the damage I did to myself by revealing my hateful inner bitch, but because I insulted people who didn’t deserve to be insulted. I did harm, intentional or no.
But then, over the last week, I was taught another lesson. Many of the people I hurt, or felt I had, went out of their way to make me feel better. To assure me I was fine and human and their forgiveness was overwhelming. I should have had more faith in my fellow woman, if not in myself.
I’m still a bit emotional about the experience. My friends have been amazing and supportive, providing both sympathy and buckets or anti-drama to get me back to reality. But I still wish my “your only human” reminder had been more of a nudge on the shoulder and not a boulder upside the head. And didn’t involve so much collateral damage.
I apologize to all those involved. There are no excuses, no matter how you slice it. But I am also grateful to all those who endured my mortifying, unpretty actions and chose not to hold them against me.