It Isn’t Them. It’s Me.
This is my way of saying “Move on, folks, nothing to see here.” I know I sort of dropped the online dating topic as quickly as I picked it up, but I’ve been meaning to write this post for WEEKS. I’d like to say I have a good reason for not getting it done, but I don’t. So, here we go.
I really did try this time. I went through my apps almost daily. I checked every time I got a message that so and so wanted to meet me or such and such wanted to chat. But 99% of the time, I’d click over, flinch (or actually draw back,) click the big red X and move on. I’m sure that some of these men are perfectly nice and have even turned a head or two in the real world. Which is why I’ve come to the conclusion that *I* am the problem.
I met one man during this process. And that’s how I know I’m not cut out for this dating thing. Within a (ridiculously) short period of time, he seemed to be smitten. Minutes later, he wanted to hold my hand and kiss me. That is no exaggeration. MINUTES. LATER.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. That’s flattering! Why wouldn’t you want a guy to fall for you like that? And I’m not sure I have a good answer. Either I’m not ready to date (which would be an asinine excuse since I’ve been single longer than I’m willing to admit on this blog), or I’ve been alone so long that I’m unable to tolerate other people. My money is on the latter.
I don’t want to say that I’m broken, but I’m broken. Only in the sense that I write love stories for a living but have NO patience for embarking on my own. None. Zilch. Nada. I’m too selfish now. My time is mine. I don’t have to work my life around anyone else. I don’t have to discuss major life choices or purchases. I don’t have to explain why I’m up at three in the morning playing Toy Blast on my phone when I should be sleeping.
Do you have any idea how lovely that is? Or maybe that’s only lovely to me. I’m cool with that. Either way, my subscriptions run out in early April and I’m counting down the days. Because then I can go back to not thinking about dating and rejection and go on with my life the way I like it. With me, myself, and I.
PS: Here’s one example of the pond in which I’m fishing – the app suggested that I had found me the perfect date last night. In his profile, the man said he was looking for a yoga instructor who voted for Tru… I refused to type that name. Anyway, I think you get the gist. Wrong pond.